that i realized i miss my dog at home. i go back and forth between loving him and being very annoyed with him. but ultimately, i love him very much. i just saw a photo of him and started to miss him. when i was home over summer i would "abuse" him in a nice way. i would crumple up paper and throw it on him while he was laying in his bed and he wouldn't notice, so the paper would just stay there. my brother and i would laugh. but now i feel bad and i will never do it again. my dog is the only dog whose smell i love. even when he is dirty, i love to stick my face into his fur and take a breath in. he is the only dog i don't feel dirty after petting. my brother once told me that he uses him as a napkin when he walks by, placing his dirty hand with food residue on our dog's brown curly fur. i think we do fucked up things to our dog and so then he is fucked up. his name is ben and he is a giant poodle. i love watching him dream that he is running in his sleep. we try to grab his wet tongue all the time, but i never succeed. i love ben the dog so much. i miss him. when is the next time i will see him?