i'm really into studs, fringe, and faux fur. and i don't know if this is a good or bad thing. it might be kinda tacky. i'm going to buy a machine to do my own studding, kind of like a bedazzler. i should talk to a punk or a former punk about how to go about doing this. bye!


i joined the local ymca last night and i worked out today for like the first time in my life. it was pretty great. then tonight i bought myself a silver ipod shuffle to listen to while i speed walk on the treadmill. i loaded it with the shittiest upbeat pop music and i'm very excited about working out to it tomorrow. it really pumps me up. i have to try very hard not to sing along and bother other people at the gym. i feel funny when i say "oh ya i was just at the gym working out" i feel like a loser trying to be cool haha. oh and i didn't have any gym shoes so i bough a pair at the local payless. they are black white pink and green. after i speed walked for an hour, i was going to take the bus home because i was very tired but it wasn't coming for a long time so i leisurely walked home while eating an onion bagel and cream cheese very slowly, that i got from this bakery called peter pan where the employees are all teen girls who wear cute mint green uniforms with pink collars and trim. i kinda want to work there just so i can wear that uniform. they have really good donuts too. so basically i reversed my whole workout but who cares. the peter pan place is one of my favorite places. oh and i got a ymca membership card and they took my photo for it and my hair is really messy and i'm wearing a fur coat at the gym and i am smiling really big.


i want to plan a trip to paris, london, and amsterdam. i want to stay in fancy hotels. and eat fancy food. this trip will be very expensive ideally, so i'll have to wait until the economy picks up. and maybe i'll go back to rome.

how damn good is this shit?!

i have rediscovered now and laters and have been consuming way to many, i feel sick.

but anyways, i have this tendency to always look forward and to the future. i have a tendency to not live in the present. so continuing on this path, i will tell you of what i wish for next year. i really would like to live alone next year, in a studio apartment, in manhattan, hopefully in the east village or the lower east side, with my pet cat, uh that sounds pathetic but it's not, i know i might get lonely, but i will just have to force myself to go out and socialize. i just hope there are no spiders because i can't kill them myself, and i hope there are no notorious new york blackouts because i am afraid of the dark, especially when i am alone. right now i am watching the tyra banks show. it is my guilty pleasure.

a hot cup 'o tea

i want to start drinking a cup of english breakfast tea each evening. with one packet of sugar, and i have to buy some milk. i have more time in the evenings, so i will choose to drink my tea then and not rush in the morn. who am i kidding, i do nothing all day. i could drink tea 24 hours a day everyday.

i almost started a whole new blog...

it was going to be called rachel the clotheshorse. jackie o was considered one.

here were the first two posts.

i feel inspired

to make this new blog, so here i go, i guess. i don’t really know just yet what it shall be about, but i hope for it to be honest and funny and i hope to write in it lots. oh hopes.


was a really weird day for me. you see i was out last night walking around alot i guess. i woke up with what i thought was an allergic red reaction all over my face. so i freaked out, bought benadryl and some cream shit with aloe, took two of the pills and put the aloe all over my face, and then promtly fell asleep. then i woke up saw that the rash was not gone, panicked a bit more because i have an interview tomorrow, realized it was windburn, fell asleep again, rescheduled my interview because i can’t have my first impression be ugly and fuck up. speaking of fucked up, because of the benadryl i felt so fucked up all day and night, just not right. i hate you benadryl and you cold winds that slap my face. i look like a professional snow skier with a constantly wind chapped face. i watched so many of the hills episodes online tonight it was sick. im sick. i have a cold that just wont quit. so now im gunna take my melatonin and sleep again and watch a movie tomorrow. my room is so messy i dont know if i should leave it or clean it. we will see.

my favorite color is red.

it always has been and it always will be. pink is my second favorite color, but that doesn't really matter. what is your favorite color? if you don't have one, you are not a human being, i hate you, and you are a loser asshole. just have a favorite color ok? it is literally like the easiest thing you can do in your life. do it for yourself. and for me.

isn't it weird...

how you love your family no matter what. they could be the most horrible people in the world, but because you have the same blood you love them endlessly, no matter what they do to you. i love my family so much it's sick. i get mad at them, i hate them, i say i will disown them and never forgive them, but i never do. i always forgive my family, rarely forgive anyone else. blood is such a connector, it's weird. this is all very obvious. everyone know this about families. but i still think it's weird.

today is the first day...

that i realized i miss my dog at home. i go back and forth between loving him and being very annoyed with him. but ultimately, i love him very much. i just saw a photo of him and started to miss him. when i was home over summer i would "abuse" him in a nice way. i would crumple up paper and throw it on him while he was laying in his bed and he wouldn't notice, so the paper would just stay there. my brother and i would laugh. but now i feel bad and i will never do it again. my dog is the only dog whose smell i love. even when he is dirty, i love to stick my face into his fur and take a breath in. he is the only dog i don't feel dirty after petting. my brother once told me that he uses him as a napkin when he walks by, placing his dirty hand with food residue on our dog's brown curly fur. i think we do fucked up things to our dog and so then he is fucked up. his name is ben and he is a giant poodle. i love watching him dream that he is running in his sleep. we try to grab his wet tongue all the time, but i never succeed. i love ben the dog so much. i miss him. when is the next time i will see him?

kittens and cats

molly and i have this plan to foster kittens. if i like one i will adopt it and hopefully molly will too so that they can each have a friend. my only worry is that i will just want to hang around with it all day and nevr want to go to work once i get a full time job. i wish it would just stay a kitten. i think i want it to be a girl but i'm not sure. and i want her to have a beautiful name. ooo la la what color? i have always wanted an all black cat so i could be like a witch. because as we all know all witches have all black cats. duh. we are not allowed to have pets in our building, but who cares? no one will find out. our landlord has a big brown dog that is very cute but barks all day long. but the barking actually doesn't ever bother me, i kind of like it. and the other day i saw this woman walking her cat on a leash, and she wasn't a crazy lady! i plan on walking my cat on a leash too.

the boy crush vs. the girl crush

which is better? keep in mind i am a girl. and i really can't even remember the last time i had a crush on a boy, the kind you keep secret, because i have had one boyfriend for like over four years now. so obviously, i love the girl crush way more. you see, a girl crush when you are a girl is very obsessive. i guess a crush with a boy is too, but those are boring to me. with a girl crush, you study the girl and probably try to be more like her in any and every way possible, and you just can't do that with a silly boy now can you? who would want to be like a boy? in my whole life, i know that i've had many more girl crushes than boy crushes. hands down. i of course can't name any of them here for fear of them reading this and then knowing how i love them so. the more mysterious the girl, the better. oh i love my girl crushes. i have a particular one now. i saw her the other day. it was great. i basically have a crush, if only for an instance, on any cool girl i see walking down the street. i have a tendency to stare at her for too long. it is socially inacceptable. i love having obsessions. and so does my brother. i think it runs in the family.

a new start

I am going to start writing in my blog more, like actually writing. Now this writing will not be particularly interesting unless you are interested in me, if you know what i mean. Just a warning. I plan on being a bit more self indulgent and writing about simple or sometimes even boring things, but things that mean something to me. Now here is an example: A list of things I would like to be but know that I never will(in no particular order): -a professional singer -a therapist -a psychoanalysist -a patient in constant therapy -an actress -a published writer -an archaeologist -a fashion designer -a butcher -a baker -a candle stick maker -a savvy business woman -an au pair -a crazy cat lady -a poet -a famous artist -someone's muse -a professional photographer -a model -a girl who dresses as a sexy something every halloween -a doctor -a scientist who finds a cure -a european -a psychopath -a sociologist -and many more...

whooooooooo obama!

listen to this...

so i was walking in soho last night and i saw these boots in the window of the theory store. i immediately really liked them because they are a fancier high heeled version of frye engineer boots which i have always loved, but then andy informed me that they would be really expensive cause he knows his theory, and so i was like ok, damn, and tried to forget about them. cut to tonight where i have been watching cnn all day and i remembered that i made a bet with my dad in the summer that if obama wins he owes me $300 and if mccain wins i owe him $300. i don't want to jinx it so i won't, but can you guess what i'm gunna go buy tomorrow in manhattan with molly if obama wins? haha. and dad i know you are gunna read this! so this is for you!

revolutionary road

i really can't wait to see this movie for many reasons. this is the reunion of leonardo dicaprio and kate winslet! it has been over 10 years since titanic! also i just really love them both, and i love watching them act. and leo is just so hot. i love everything about him. after romeo and juliet came out, i swore that i would marry him. the trailer is really good and i like that it takes place in the 1950s because of the way the clothing and sets and cars will all look.

laughing chloe

more room photos

my favorite animal is a raccoon. my new laundry bag that i have been wanting forever.